We are better as a tribe rather than individuals…

An open, honest blog about fitting in, falling out, and finding yourself and your people.

One morning I was driving my children to school, and we drove past a group of teenage girls. They were all wearing the same thing. At first, I thought it was a uniform and asked the kids if they knew what school that uniform was from. It was then that I glanced at my own children and remembered that it was one of their rare non-uniform days and that in fact, the girls were wearing their own clothes, and this sparked an interesting discussion on how deep down, we are all still tribespeople.

The girls were walking together in their tribe.

We are better as a tribe rather than individuals but when we are in the wrong tribe, we would be better being alone because that would be safer.

When we no longer fit in with our tribe, it can be a confusing time. It's easy for us to feel as though there's 'something wrong' with us,

For example:

When I decided I no longer wanted alcohol to be a part of my life, I no longer fit into the tribe I had joined - I tried but it just didn't work. I felt for a while that I didn't have any friends, but I was ok with that, I felt better for it.

I always thought I was a massive introvert and used alcohol as way of changing my personality in order to 'fit in'. It wasn't until I'd got used to not drinking and developed more mentally healthy habits (for me), that I realised that I'm not as introverted as I'd always told myself, I had always been in the wrong tribe - I had never known who I truly was and because my childhood was spent moving from place to place every 2-3 years for my dad's job, I always just had to fit in wherever I ended up.

Now instead of my main hobby being drinking, and catching up with gossip, I go walking and running and have in depth meaningful, interesting conversations and I feel energised instead of drained.

I am more confident, fitter, and mentally healthy than I've ever been, and I'm happy with all that I do have because now that I've finally realised who I am, I am able to identify my own core values and begin to live my life in accordance with them, instead of going along with what everyone else was doing in a desperate attempt to fit in.

Have you ever thought about human behaviour in this way? It's such an interesting subject!

*Disclaimer - this blog is not an attack on my old friends, they are all brilliant people, and I was lucky to be part of their circle for as long as I was. I was not the perfect friend and did cause them a huge amount of embarrassment and cringe many times - all whilst heavily intoxicated on a substance that I could not handle in the attempt to change my personality, all in the endless pursuit of trying to fit in where I did not belong.