Toxic Positivity

What is toxic positivity?

There has been quite a buzz around the subject of Toxic Positivity this year.

As a solution focused therapist, I must admit that I was a little worried that this was an area that I may have been inadvertently venturing into, and the last thing I ever wanted to be involved with or promote was anything toxic, I've had my fair share of that in the past, thank you very much!

 Toxic Positivity is the belief that no matter how terrible or awful a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.  

There are undoubtedly huge benefits in the practice of thinking in a positive way, but Toxic Positivity leads to people's emotions being dismissed, and their negative emotions being minimised or trivialised with false reassurances rather than empathy.

 This is absolutely NOT what solution focused therapy is about.  Although it is not necessary for me as your therapist to 'dig into' your past, that does not mean that this style of therapy papers over any cracks...what I do is help people to understand why we can sometimes feel a certain way and I also teach coping strategies that are useful for when the tough times arise.

 If you are unsure about what constitutes Toxic Positivity, here are a few examples...

•"You'll be fine" - not helpful at all.

•"Lots of people have it far worse than you" - And?

•"Don't think about it, stay positive" - That's easy for you to say when it hasn't happened to you.

•"Everything happens for a reason" - (this is toxic when urging someone to focus on the positive aspects of a devastating loss/health scare/crisis)

 Toxic Positivity in all of its forms is essentially gaslighting, which is when someone is made to question their own reality.

There is a fine line between positivity and forced positivity. 

 Feel your feelings, all of them, they are what remind us every single day that we are alive, and you can't just choose to 'switch off' one of your emotions without switching them all off...